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A Bit of Humor

For these senior moments we should all be grateful

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach and stretch.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.
God looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath!

Important facts to remember as we grow older

Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich OR give him some…
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe even years.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital,
dying of nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today may be a
burning issue tomorrow.

This is the story of a young college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, grabs the mike and calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me. Please help me."

She then hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She then says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Trump".

"O.K." says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven…"

Submitted by Milton Franks


What's up doc? Ask the lawyer

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill".

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Submitted by Anna Paikow


Sorry darling, I bumped your Ferrari

Hi Honey,

Before you return from your overseas trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Lexus Royal Van when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately it was not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the Lexus fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I missed our bikes. I'm really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife. xx

P.S. Your girlfriend phoned.

Submitted by Rina Sheleff 

 

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Wednesday, 10 August 2022

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