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A Bit of Humor

Top: Bobby Darin, Ringo Starr, Roberta Flack, Paul Simon Bottom: ,Abba, Helen Reddy and Willie Nelson

All Photos: Wikipedia

Some slipped discs!

  • Bobby Darin's: "Splish, Splash, I Was Having A Flash!"
  • Herman's Hermits: "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker!"
  • Ringo Starr: "I Get By With A Little Help From Depends!"
  • The Bee Gees: "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?"
  • Roberta Flack: "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face!"
  • Johnny Nash: "I Can't See Clearly Now!"
  • Paul Simon: "Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver"
  • The Commodores: "Once, Twice, Three times To The Bathroom!"
  • Leo Sayer: "You Make Me Feel Like Napping!"
  • The Temptations: "Papa's Got A Kidney Stone!"
  • Abba: "Denture Queen!"
  • Tony Orlando: "Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall!"
  • Helen Reddy: "I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore!"
  • Leslie Gore: "It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To!"
  • And, last, but not least, Willie Nelson: "On the Commode Again."


Called to the bar

An elderly looking gentleman, (mid-nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?


Ramblings of an OLD MIND...

  • I decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
  • When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
  • Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "an ambulance".
  • The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL
  • The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
  • Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their "odometers". Not me.I want people to know 'why' I look this way – I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
  • Ah! Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
  • May you always have Love to Share, Cash to Spare, And Friends who Care.

Submitted by: Janet Agassi


How to scare the Russians

Three men are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes to bed. He is unable to sleep, however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it: "Comrade Major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that the KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
"Well," whispered the receptionist, "Comrade Major quite liked your tea joke."

Submitted by: Milton Franks

 

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Saturday, 16 October 2021

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