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A Bit of Humor

What a scream when my grandson asked for an ice cream

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 8-year-old grandson asked if he could say the food bracha.

As we listened attentively, he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. With liberty, peace and justice for all. Amen! "

Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why - I never! "

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me? "

After I assured him that he had done a terrific job and that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grandson asked.

"Honest to goodness," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul."

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, and then he did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bag. Shove it up down your throat and choke! "

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!

Contributed by Milton Franks

My son-in-law the doctor – by President's mum

The Year is 2020 and the United States has elected the first woman president, Susan Goldstein, who is also Jewish. She calls her mother and says, So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration? I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again. I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door. Everybody will be so fancy schmantzy, what would I wear? Susan replies, I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom‐made by the best designer in New York. Honey, Mom complains, you know I can't eat those rich foods. The President‐to‐be responds, The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way. I really want you to come. So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2021, Susan Goldstein is being sworn in as U.S. President. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her and says, You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States? The Senator whispers back, Yes, I do. Mom says proudly, Her brother is a doctor.

Submitted by Irit Orr

The real reason the price of a beer was one cent . . .

A man walked into a cafe,
Went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

A drink by any other name

Dr Jones developed a routine of calling at his local pub every day for an Almond Daiquiri. The barman, got used to this and would have the drink waiting for him.

One day, he he had run out of almonds, so decided to use Hickory nuts instead.

The doctor arrived, took a sip and said "This isn't an Almond Daiquiri, is it?"

"No" came the reply, "It's a Hickory Daiquiry Doc"

Submitted by Des Kramer 

 

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Sunday, 13 June 2021

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